Commissar Gargamel: Lust for CHAOS (Deluxe)
by Dreamsofiron
Summary: Song of courage! Scream of steel! DANGER! EXCITEMENT! ROMANCE! What more do you want!
1. Chapter 1

Desolate winds scream the name of destiny. Gigantic space ships scar the heavens, fueled by the screams of tortured xeno scum. They burn the filthy xeno planets with the holy vengeance of primordial glory. In one such mighty ship stood erect the proud Commissar loyal servant of the Imperium. The proud ship was adorned by sculptures of strong naked herculean warriors holding in their muscular hand the large powerful swords and ready to strike the lusty enemy. Gargamel was surrounded by lusty slave wrenches and he was smoking a cigar so large that they needed a small space ship to carry it. "Power of light, rise the steel!" roared Gargamel proudly in a MANLY booming voice.

But then suddenly out of nowhere a lusty daemoness appeared before him, crowned in hot smoke and fire she was the image of dark perfection. "Oh no don't kill me! Kill my slaves and soldiers instead, I am too young to die!" whimpered the brave and courageous Gargamel. "I am not here to take your miserable life wretch, but to offer you a deal!" gasped the creature. "W-w-what deal c-c-could you offer me foul daemon!" whispered the brave and courageous and MANLY Gargamel while ruining his glorious and luxurious and MANLY uniform. "If you betray the pathetic Emperor I will give you wast daemonic powers, but bee warned it comes with a price... a HORRIBLE price!" rasped the monster. "I a-a-accept it, just p-p-please don't kill m-m-me." trembled the brave and courageous and MANLY and EPIC and heroic Gargamel while creaming his sexy leather uniform.

"You will now become a daemon you spineless coward but you must do exactly as I tell you from now on!" climaxed the daemoness in an otherworldly sensuous voice. "I w-w-will do anything you want mistress!" whimpered the BRAVE GARGAMEL while filling relieved now because his EPIC uniform was saved from further ruination. But then suddenly he felt pain, horn started growing from his head, his skin became blood red and his eyes started glowing. "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! THIS MUST BE A BAD DREAM!" screamed the courageous Gargamel while devastating his expensive and sensuous uniform. "You transformation is complete!" screamed the daemoness, "Now lick my boots!" she continued. "W-w-what?!" rasped Gargamel. "You heard me power comes with a price, now do it!" roared the infernal creature. "If I m-m-must" said the Brave Gargamel while surrendering to his fate.

Once he was done she teleported them to the cold, desolate planet. "Listen carefully now, I will say this only one!" she said, "You must kill my rival daemon Santa Claus!" she finished. "B-b-but..." Gargamel whimpered in protest, "No buts, his palace is located in the nearby mountains find him and kill him, no matter the cost!" roared the daemoness in response.

What will happen next? Stay tuned for next exclusive episode of Commissar Gargamel: Lust for CHAOS... deluxe!


	2. Chapter 2

In that desolate barren waste alone stood Gargamel, now traitor of the Imperium, lost and the damned. He was in ultimate despair, cold and alone, ugly and transformed. There was nothing else to do but to wait for death. But fate won't let it be, a huge Dark Eldar army was coming his way fast. They were servants of the dreaded daemon lord Santa Claus. In that final moment of desperation Gargamel let loose a mighty fart, a fart of such epic proportions that it menaged not only to kill the filthy Eldar but also to completely annihilate them. Gargamel was overwhelmed with joy. He was saved. His sexy luxurious uniform was ruined, but he was saved.

Now, with newfound confidence, he embarked on a journey to kill the wretched Santa Claus. He entered the palace alone, his will absolute and his pants ruined. There on a throne stood the dreaded Santa. "Have you come to kill me, fallen man thing!" growled the abomination. "I have... m-m-maybe... ?" whimpered the BRAVE and Epic and Courageous and GLORIOUS Gargamel. "Talk is cheap, let's fight!" roared the bloated creature. But then out of nowhere Gargamel produced a fart so powerful that compared to it his previous fart was but a firecracker. The fart completely vaporized the foul daemon, freeing the desolate planet from his embrace.

But Gargamel did not have much time to celebrate, because the daemoness teleported to the throne room, and now stood erect before him. "What is that ungodly stench!" croaked the daemoness. "N-n-nothing, i-i-it's j-j-just m-m-me." whimpered the COURAGEOUS Gargamel. "But it was to late, the daemoness already died from the toxic stench of his glorious fart! "Goodbye cruel warp." whispered the creature it's last words.

And so the BRAVE and NOBLE and COURAGEOUS Gargamel became the lord of that planet, ruling with an IRON FIST.

THE END

...until the inquisition annihilated him and his planet to oblivion.

THE END... for real this time!


End file.
